Is my first day back at work. Well actually I am writing this post two nights in advance because I assume tomorrow night will be a sobfest + coffee ice cream soothe the pain daze.*
In those first couple of days bringing Presley home, I didn't know what I was in for. It was so hard. I was so tired. I was literally hurting all over my body. Yet this little lady quickly enraptured my heart so fiercely I have never felt anything like it. How lucky am I to have been able to spend 4.5 months at home with her?
I am beside myself that I am leaving her to return to work. Hoping to get a parking spot, to ride public transportation (most likely without a seat) to get to a job that is just that...a job. I'm devastated.I am having a hard time hiding my sad face. I feel bad too for I know my husband knows more than anything I wish to stay home with Presley.
I want to breastfeed her on demand, not pump in an isolated office. I want to take her monthly photo every month on the 20th and wait for the best lighting in her room (10am!). I want to not feel guilt if she needs me and I am waiting for a late train to return home. Every moment, every milestone I want to witness.
Even when she is right in front of my face...I already miss her.
I know too that the grass is always greener on the other side and sure I would miss things about work (hello daytime Giants baseball games). But those hardly outweigh being home with my girl watching her discover new things. I am an asset and slowly depreciating by clocking into an office. (This is just in relation to me, not to all working mom's)
Luckily I have one incredible boss so that helps immensely. That and tuna tartar at the restaurant next door...maybe today won't be so bad?
If you need me I'll be crying into my pump...