Babies Don't Keep

I'll never forget that moment when you were placed on my chest and I looked right up at your dad as tears cascaded from the corners of my eyes.
So proud. He was, we were, so proud.
Your wrinkly feet, your head full of hair, your small pitiful cries. Every moment I wanted to swish an imaginary bottle through the air and seal it inside. So that from time to time I could twist off the cap just a little to be hit with the freshness of the memory.

Babies Don't Keep

We brought you home and had no idea how to put you into the carseat. You were so tiny and I marveled at you in the back seat in a Norco induced pain free state. Your dad drove so slow the 1.2 miles home and I was eager with anticipation to see Finn. Your dog big brother. I remember how light that car seat felt carrying you into the house.

Babies Don't Keep

I remember the hard nights. The nights you would cry and I would just plop down on the floor next to you in tears. A cry bond of sorts. I remember staying in my pajamas all day (one time I didn't even open the curtains!) and wondering how on earth I was ever going to feel confident taking you out of the house. Even though those were hard times. I wish I could have bottled them up.

Babies Don't Keep

At 16 days I decided it was time to leave the house. I bundled you up, strapped you in and off we went. Just you and me. You did so well and I was so happy. "I got this!" I thought to myself. But then I got overly confident and tried to take you to a restaurant at lunch while you were hungry. Bad move mom. Breastfeeding was still ummm...painful? I am pretty sure I was sweating on you while you were trying to latch while screaming your head off.

Babies Don't Keep

I watched you grow. And then we hit a milestone of smiles. Usually dad always got them (he is handsome so I don't blame you). When you gave them to me I melted. Finally I was not just a milk machine. I was a real life mama. Your mama. My mini. Mama & Mini.

Babies Don't Keep

Once we finally figured out a routine of sorts mama had to go back to work. I think I took it a bit harder than you. You started outgrowing your clothing. Cooing and laughing. My goodness you're growing so fast. Maybe it's because I am away from you for so much of the day but it seems rapid. Where is that imaginary memory bottle?

Babies Don't Keep

Yet how I wish nothing more for you. You are thriving. Growing. Learning new things everyday. You're still very much a baby and now I know you always will  be. Mine. Ours. Forever.

Babies Don't Keep


14 comments

  1. Totally crying right now.... Just beautiful!

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  2. Oh my gosh - get out of here with this post making me cry at my desk!! You guys seriously made a beautiful baby! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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  3. This is beautiful! Presley is lucky to have you as her mama.

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  4. Precious, I love reading your posts on sweet little Presley and motherhood.

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  5. So beautiful!! She is precious and so lucky to have such a loving mommy and family :) xx

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  6. This is so sweet!! Makes me so excited for our little guy :) And seriously, Presley is the cutest. That scallop outfit on her is adorable!!

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  7. Waaaah. Thanks for the feels. :( this is so true and so sweet. P is the cutest!

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  8. This is beautiful and so any mother can relate to this! It so hard and challenging to be a mother but it is all worth it!

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  9. Totally crying right now. We had a tough night last night, but this morning I realize I will look back on it as a wonderful memory. The quiet moments of the two of us in the darkness of her room, her sweet head nuzzled into my neck just breathing her in. I will miss it, especially when she is a teenager and hates her mom! Ha.

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  10. I always say there is a reason they make babies cute. It is the hardest yet the most wonderful job. My babies are 8 and 10 now, and so I can concur: it goes by really fast.

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  11. Such a sweet post. Can't wait to experience this kind of love.

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  12. Holding back the tears over here! So sweet and so true. Such beautiful words!! (Why does maternity leave end when you finally just figure things out?)

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