Loving Lately

Baggu Weekender Bag my bestie has this bag and I love it!! Definitely on my wish list with a monogram no less!
Reusuable Shopping Tote - since the city I work in and the city I live in have both outlawed plastic bags this would be great to have. Small enough to squish up and cute enough to carry!
Newspaper Reusuable Tote - Natasha you need this since you work at a newspaper!
The Mira Heel - Ever since I saw my girl Ashley rocking these on Instagram I have needed a drool bib. Sadly the nude is no longer available but I tried these on in store and they are super cute! Red is on sale with an additional 30% use code UPANDUP.
Love Me Love My Dog Pillow (Umm you know I am so ordering this!)
I'm Berry Special Body Suit
Mama Bear/Baby Bear - I would twin so hard!

As you can see my brain is all over the place in the want category, until next time! Happy Shopping!


Be Mine

When it comes to Valentine's Day I so miss being a little kid. Ya know, back when EVERYONE got a valentine? And you were SO excited to get one from your crush (even if everyone else did too) I wish that I had kept mine from David, since we were in both 2nd and 5th grade together! Sadly all I have is a class birthday card where apparently his nickname for me was Shorty. Weirder is that apparently I had some friends call me Alison and weirder I selected a card with toilets on it. What can I say, 5th grade.
Anyway I digress. You know my favorite card site, Minted, is the master at all things cute and when it comes to cards and Valentine's Day they are no exception. While I probably won't send these out to the masses like a Christmas card I think it would be a sweet treat for friends and family. Because snail mail like this always makes trips to the mailbox a little more fun.
Did you know Minted also does Valentine's for the classroom?! Too cute!
Seriously there is just too many cute ones to share go see them for yourself here!

Do you send out Valentine's? And do you include candy or something sweet to go along with them? Valentine's Day is on Saturday this year and I am most excited to celebrate with my newest little love bug!

*This post is sponsored by Minted but all opinions are 100% my own. 


The Mom Chop

I get it. I finally get it why all these new mothers seem to chop off their hair after baby. I swore I wouldn't be one. I love my hair, it's my security blanket. But after losing what feels like half of it. Calling out Roto Rooter to unclog the drain (I blame my hair but it easily could have been a tree branch). I went in on Saturday and I said "Cut It"

I knew I would regret it. It's customary and always happens - in fact the last time I cut it this short was on my 26th birthday. Another recommendation, never cut your hair on your actual birthday you will feel older within minutes. Apparently over seven years ago didn't stick in my mind because here I am approaching 32 and decided it was time.
So natch I turned to my Pinterest for hair inspiration and started pinning away shorter tresses. In the end this is what I wound up showing my hair stylist. She was surprised I was opting for a shorter do, whipped out the scissors and just chopped. I was like "woah! We haven't even discussed yet!" and there it all went. My split ends that I worked so hard for. I swear I heard them screaming my name on the descent down.
If you're looking for a moral to this story of  "I was so happy I cut my hair" just stop reading now. If you know me, this is never how a hair cutting story ends. Yesterday I lopped off 4.5" and trust me, I won't be doing that again for a LONG time.


Why Don't You Sleep?


I've been rocking you staring
At the clock on the nightstand
And I've been sitting here praying
Praying your eyes stay closed. 

It's just another sound outside 
And your eyes will fly open
And I'll be sighing

I'll be begging you, baby
Begging you to sleep
When I lay you down at 7pm
I pray that it will keep
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
will probably be in less than three hours

Why don't you sleep?
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being tired
Don't I give you all the breast milk that you need?
When the sandman calls your name
There is one thing you should know
Nights don't have to be like this
Baby, why don't you sleep?

They keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When I lay you in your crib
And you will possibly sleep until nine
Well, I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being aloof
I just need eight hours
It's too much exhaustion to bare
what if I stroke your hair?

Why don't you sleep?
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being tired
Don't I give you all the breast milk that you need?
When the sandman calls your name
There is one thing you should know
Nights don't have to be like this
Baby, why don't you sleep?

I can't take it much longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what we have to do
It's time to let you cry it out
little lady please don't pout
I've been weak for your tears
but you're aging me in years
So, the next time you will find
you won't be leaving your bed for mine

You're going to sleep!
I'm turning the monitor volume down
Looks like you are going to cry a little longer
Need to make my cocktail stronger
 When the sandman calls your name
There is one thing you should know
I'm never far from you
night night baby

*Inspired by the song "Stay" Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland
Sleep?! Whats that?


Scenes from the Weekend

Do you ever want to purchase something that you know is wildly popular but for some reason you hold off? Well I feel like that with these amazing pants I bought at Lululemon last Friday. I was feeling like I deserved a treat for going back to work and what better than pants I can only wear at home? Anyways, these rock and I know lulu is on the pricey side but to that I say, whatever! You only live once!

Wunder Under Pant *cotton
Umm hello roll down top, my 5 month post baby body sort of LOVES you. Anyways had to give those pants a shoutout - since the majority of my three day weekend involved lounging in them. They even got the 15 minute speed cycle on the washing machine because I wanted to wear them again on Sunday! #guilty

I so loved having an extra day with my girl - it actually made me feel ready to tackle the work week. Definitely helps having an extra day of weekend. If you follow me on insta you also saw I am going to try and make that permanent. Fingers crossed.
Because really all days should have a little of this in it. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend and yay to it already being Tuesday!!

Babies Don't Keep

I'll never forget that moment when you were placed on my chest and I looked right up at your dad as tears cascaded from the corners of my eyes.
So proud. He was, we were, so proud.
Your wrinkly feet, your head full of hair, your small pitiful cries. Every moment I wanted to swish an imaginary bottle through the air and seal it inside. So that from time to time I could twist off the cap just a little to be hit with the freshness of the memory.

Babies Don't Keep

We brought you home and had no idea how to put you into the carseat. You were so tiny and I marveled at you in the back seat in a Norco induced pain free state. Your dad drove so slow the 1.2 miles home and I was eager with anticipation to see Finn. Your dog big brother. I remember how light that car seat felt carrying you into the house.

Babies Don't Keep

I remember the hard nights. The nights you would cry and I would just plop down on the floor next to you in tears. A cry bond of sorts. I remember staying in my pajamas all day (one time I didn't even open the curtains!) and wondering how on earth I was ever going to feel confident taking you out of the house. Even though those were hard times. I wish I could have bottled them up.

Babies Don't Keep

At 16 days I decided it was time to leave the house. I bundled you up, strapped you in and off we went. Just you and me. You did so well and I was so happy. "I got this!" I thought to myself. But then I got overly confident and tried to take you to a restaurant at lunch while you were hungry. Bad move mom. Breastfeeding was still ummm...painful? I am pretty sure I was sweating on you while you were trying to latch while screaming your head off.

Babies Don't Keep

I watched you grow. And then we hit a milestone of smiles. Usually dad always got them (he is handsome so I don't blame you). When you gave them to me I melted. Finally I was not just a milk machine. I was a real life mama. Your mama. My mini. Mama & Mini.

Babies Don't Keep

Once we finally figured out a routine of sorts mama had to go back to work. I think I took it a bit harder than you. You started outgrowing your clothing. Cooing and laughing. My goodness you're growing so fast. Maybe it's because I am away from you for so much of the day but it seems rapid. Where is that imaginary memory bottle?

Babies Don't Keep

Yet how I wish nothing more for you. You are thriving. Growing. Learning new things everyday. You're still very much a baby and now I know you always will  be. Mine. Ours. Forever.

Babies Don't Keep



Listening to - Presley cry. Why on earth will this child of mine NOT SLEEP? Sometimes it feels like I am the only person on earth who's baby doesn't sleep through the night. She usually goes down easy for an hour but then wakes up fighting it. I am talking awake until 10-11pm. Mama is tired...send help (and coffee, lots of coffee).

Reading - What Alice Forgot This is our selection for book club and I was way late in picking it up to read. I mean reading with a baby at home is sort of wishful thinking. However now that I am back at work (and pumping twice a day) I am devouring this book. I am about halfway through and really enjoying it.

Watching - The Affair on Showtime. SO GOOD!

Purchasing - pulling the trigger on a Longchamp tote. Now that I carry my pump to and from work I wanted a bag that was large enough for it that closed with a zipper. I am going to retire my always dependable LV for now because it doesn't have a shoulder strap and this pump is just too heavy! I got so used to only using my diaper bag while I was on maternity leave!

Coveting - a vacation. I know I just got back from 4.5 months off but let's be real that was NO vacation. I want to go somewhere warm and pack coverups and swim diapers.

Needing - sleep, please just eight uninterrupted hours.

Loving - This series of photos I can't even...

Wishing - P would sleep through the night. See a theme here? Okay I am going to bed while I have an opportunity!

Loving Lately

Alright so if you have been reading along you know I was a sad mama bear about the imminent return to work. Well you know what I am not sad about...paychecks! Haven't seen one of those babies in quite some time! Of course my husband is good at sharing he just doesn't understand why Presley needs shoes when she is not walking yet. (Honestly neither do I but they sure are dang cute!)

So let's take it back to all the things I have been eyeing since those paychecks ended shall we?

Scalloped Lace Tank
I just got this tank in white and black because at my Banana by my office they were $11.60 each. I mean come on...

Wedge Espadrilles
These remind me of those adorable Chanel espadrilles you know minus the Chanel part...

 Hip Hippo Plush
Loving the little floral elements on the ears and tail. Would look so cute on a bookshelf.

Ponte Moto Jacket
This looks cute but it's on major sale and has no customer reviews so I'm leary. 

Pom Pom Stroller Blanket 
I bought this blanket in red (no longer available) for Presley to have during the holidays. (You know because she needs another blanket like I need a third eye.) Well I love it! I especially love that the dots look like little hearts. This would make a great gift for a new little!

Boyfriend Flannel Shirt in Dark Plaid
Can't you see this for every "I love America" occasion? I mean I don't know about those gold pants but again I am no fashion queen.

I guess that is good for now...until next week!

Happy Birthday

To my favorite ball of fur.
You make a bad day better with one nuzzle. You make a long drive less lonely. You make a walk exciting (so many smells)! You make coming home special everyday. You make our lives better just by being in it. 
Your hair may be all over everything. Sometimes taking you out is a hassle but I'm well aware that I will miss those days one day. So I embrace them fully - hair and all. My little rescue how I adore you so. 

Happy 5th Birthday to my best guy, Finn. 
We love you!

Yay for Friday!

You guys I am so PUMPED it's Friday!! I plan on sleeping in a little later than normal tomorrow morning and then taking a midday nap with my best girl. I honestly cannot think of anything that sounds more amazing. (Well we could be doing all that in Maui and that would be better).

On Wednesday I forgot some of my pump parts at home so my boss said I could skedaddle early (his wife used to nurse so he knows what up!) I got home by 2pm, fed Presley and then we crawled into bed and slept curled into one another for over an hour. It was exactly what I needed to recharge.

I've since ordered spare parts to the office so I don't make that mistake again. In fact I think I am going to do a post on pumping in the office pretty soon. I am a super freak about  my milk supply and pretty consistently get about 12.5 oz/day out while I am at work.
Also for Christmas I got a little spoiled and received a 15" MacBook Pro Air with Retina Display. You guys I am LOVING it!! Still a little confusing from time to time but love it so much better than a PC. Infinity times more than Windows 8! Now when I get that pesky "Phone storage almost full" notification I don't have to freak out over what to delete.

I know I already told you about my shopping extravaganza while I was visiting my sister but these boots are so worth the money. They are insanely comfortable - I can wear them for hours. Push the stroller in them non stop. Now I see why my mother in law has them in three different colors!
I also want to say that I cannot say thank you enough for everything this blogging community does for me. The amount of support I received this week -via Instagram, text, emails, this blog - was unbelievable. It really made such a huge difference and helped so much. So from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU you guys are the best!!

Lastly if you read all those parenting books you would notice that they ALL contradict one another. Here is one mama's take on it that has gone viral and it couldn't be more true! Read it HERE.


50 Minutes

I tried to write something poignant yesterday about surviving my first day back at work but honestly I couldn't think of anything to say. David so kindly dropped me off at bart only for me to discover the train was running late. My commute in I felt like a sardine crammed so tight I could barely breath. I found myself wistfully looking at a pregnant woman who got a seat next to me when we were both able to sit.

"When are you due?" I couldn't help but casually inquire. I was envious that she was still getting to spend uninterrupted time with her baby.
"Oh how wonderful! I had a little girl in August and today is my first day back at work." I told her as I tried to balance my large bag carrying all my pump parts.

And as if she knew I needed to hear it her next words were "Don't be too hard on yourself today."

Could she see it on my face? Could she feel the lump in my throat? The mist in my eyes? No she was just another mama who knew what I was going through - this was her second pregnancy.

I must say she brightened my day and the rest of the day went pretty uneventfully. FaceTiming while pumping was the highlight.

David, Presley and Finn all picked me up which I was so looking forward to. However I couldn't touch P with my gross "public transportation" hands so I had to just stare aggressively at her instead.

But then when we got home she wouldn't crack one of those infamous smiles for me (which I am a pro at getting her to produce) and that made me sad. And then quickly after she decided she was too cranky to be awake.

50 minutes.

That is how long I got to spend with her yesterday.

Of course she has no idea what sleep through the night means so I did get to see her again a little later. But then I got tired from being up so early for work I couldn't even finish The Bachelor. I found that when she woke up to eat at midnight...I was frustrated. I was ripped out of deep sleep and she just was NOT HAPPY and honestly neither was I.

Then I was mad at myself for having no patience. But all I could think about was how I needed to be up at 6am. No naps scheduled for me tomorrow.
Pre-work when naps were on the agenda
I'm happy to report that Tuesday was much easier in terms of leaving her. Still it's not easy but hopefully soon. Time is everything right?

I need a cocktail...


Sad Mama

2015 equals one sad mama.


Is my first day back at work. Well actually I am writing this post two nights in advance because I assume tomorrow night will be a sobfest + coffee ice cream soothe the pain daze.*

In those first couple of days bringing Presley home, I didn't know what I was in for. It was so hard. I was so tired. I was literally hurting all over my body. Yet this little lady quickly enraptured my heart so fiercely I have never felt anything like it. How lucky am I to have been able to spend 4.5 months at home with her?

I am beside myself that I am leaving her to return to work. Hoping to get a parking spot, to ride public transportation (most likely without a seat) to get to a job that is just that...a job. I'm devastated.
I am having a hard time hiding my sad face. I feel bad too for I know my husband knows more than anything I wish to stay home with Presley.

I want to breastfeed her on demand, not pump in an isolated office. I want to take her monthly photo every month on the 20th and wait for the best lighting in her room (10am!). I want to not feel guilt if she needs me and I am waiting for a late train to return home. Every moment, every milestone I want to witness.
Even the hard times. Like when she fights me going to sleep for three hours. When she poops up the back of her onesie. As her first teeth are coming in. The cries, the screams, the hair raising "get me out of here!" moments.

Even when she is right in front of my face...I already miss her.

I know too that the grass is always greener on the other side and sure I would miss things about work (hello daytime Giants baseball games). But those hardly outweigh being home with my girl watching her discover new things. I am an asset and slowly depreciating by clocking into an office. (This is just in relation to me, not to all working mom's)

Luckily I have one incredible boss so that helps immensely. That and tuna tartar at the restaurant next door...maybe today won't be so bad?

If you need me I'll be crying into my pump...

*Well Sunday was a sobfest but dammit I ate all the ice cream on Saturday night. Poor planning.