I never knew that having a child would make me feel so exposed.

to the world
to germs
to the unvaccinated
to strangers
to disease
to opinions
to judgement

to anything and everything.

I cannot bubble wrap her. I cannot keep her little. I cannot keep her from making her own mistakes.

It's terrifying, the definition of feeling vulnerable. The person that I have grown and carried is now out to experience all her own firsts. Under my nose or not. It truly is as if your heart is walking around outside of your chest. Here I am only half a year in and already I think of these things.

For years before I had Presley I was (and still am) a wish granter for the Greater Bay Area Make-A-Wish Foundation. The reality that some parents are denied the privilege of seeing their own children age is preposterous. I never ever want to have to imagine this world without Presley in it. Now having Presley I find granting these wishes all the more difficult. While having a wish granted does not mean you are terminal - it does mean you have a life threatening disease. You know what is even more incredible? The grace in which these children handle their illnesses.

We can learn so much from them.

I know I cannot keep Presley little but I am so incredibly grateful that I get to watch her grow. A privilege denied to far too many.

In memory of Kylie Elizabeth Rowand.


  1. The thought of raising a child is so unbelievably frightening to me, but being a mother is something I want probably more than anything right now. I am so sorry for the loss of sweet Kylie. Hugs and prayers!

  2. My heart breaks for the parents who don't get to see their children grow up. It's also terrifying that I won't be able to protect Clara from all the physical and emotional dangers in this world!

  3. Such a good reminder. My anxiety has sky rocketed since I had baby #2. The world is such a hard scary place and I wish they could just stay little and happy and fearless forever. I keep telling my husband I plan to follow them to college and live in their dorms with them because they can't ever leave me.

  4. It's so hard being a mom and wanting to protect these babies from all the bad people and things in the world. My heart goes out to Kylie's family. It's just not fair.

  5. have you had any luck with sleep training?

    1. Gosh to be honest I haven't even tried it!! At 2am it's so much easier just to feed her for a few minutes than hear her scream! We introduce solids next week so I am going to see if that makes a difference in her sleep patterns.

  6. My husband and I had a good cry about all these precious little babes that are battling diseases or have passed away - our hearts break for them and their parents. A gentle reminder to hug them a little tighter each day x